guilt trips

 Today is the 5th day of the 8th week, the 22nd day of the 2nd month, the 53rd day of 2024, and:

• Be Humble Day
• Bus Driver Appreciation Day
• Cat Day [in Japan]  
• Digital Learning Day 
• European Day for Victims of Crime
• Founding Day for Saudi Arabia 
• George Washington's Birthday - now celebrated in conjunction with Lincoln's Birthday on the third Monday of February 
• Independence Day - Saint Lucia from the UK in 1979
• Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day
• National California Day
• National Chili Day
• National Cook a Sweet Potato Day
• National Margarita Day
• National School Bus Driver Appreciation Day
• National Wildlife Day
• Play More Cards Day
• Recreational Sports & Fitness Day
• Scouts Founder's Day
• Supermarket Employee Day
• Tex Avery Day
• The Great American Spit Out - this is part of Through With Chew Week 
• Walking the Dog Day
• Woolworth's Day - the birth 145 years ago of the type of stores that we used to call "Five and Dimes".  There used to be one within walking distance of where I lived called "Finks" that is long gone, alas!   
• World Thinking Day 
• and Voyager 1 is 22h 34m 09s of light travel time from Earth

ON THIS DAY IN ....

 303 - First official Roman edict for persecution of Christians issued by Emperor Diocletian at Nicomedia, ordering all churches to be closed and scriptures burnt

1632 – Ferdinando II de' Medici, Grand Duke of Tuscany, the dedicatee, receives the first printed copy of Galileo's Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems, which compares the  the Copernican and Ptolemaic systems and whether the Earth orbits the sun

1770 – British customs officer Ebenezer Richardson fires blindly into a crowd during a protest in North End, Boston, fatally wounding 11-year-old Christopher Seider; the first American fatality of the American Revolution

1819 – By the Adams–Onís Treaty, Spain sells Florida to the United States for five million U.S. dollars [in today's money, that would be $121,424,015.75]

1879 – In Utica, New York, Frank Woolworth opens the first of many of five-and-dime Woolworth stores

1983 – The notorious Broadway flop,  Moose Murders opens and closes on the same night at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre

Quote of the day:
"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

~ Bertrand Russell - British mathematician, philosopher, and public intellectual  

I like that.  

I think instead of saying that I write a public blog, I'm going to say that I am a public intellectual.  After all, I am a recognized Loan Servicing expert [well, at least locally], and have been s speaker in the past on knowledge management [well, granted I haven't done that in the past 17 years],  so that makes me a subject matter expert and I certainly do comment on current affairs, so I qualify!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The subject of today's reflections   guilt trips,  has been on my mind a lot these days - specifically, those between parents and their offspring.  Let's face it,  it is one way to get them to feel a sense of responsibility or urgency to either change their behavior or take a specific action.  

What has brought it to mind is a situation a friend  is facing.  Her mother became very ill while on a trip from New Delhi [where she lives] to Singapore [to visit her son] and had to have surgery.   Mom is 79, very weak, unable to go to the bathroom unaided - but she insisted despite all the representations her kids made about the benefits of staying in her son's home [where she had her own room and things], that she was going to go home.  So when all remonstrations were unavailing, brother took her home this week, and her daughter [my friend] is going to India for three weeks to arrange for 24 hours care.  Now I feel the woman is being very selfish indeed because both the kids are worried sick now, knowing she will try to dispense with the 24 hour care as soon as she can, and knowing that she has already fallen twice at home.  The worst part about this is after her daughter returns home, then her son arranged to be there for Holi, so she won't actually be alone until April.  We figure by 04.10 she will be complaining about being bored and be asking when they are coming back to New Delhi to be with her.  

I know she wanted to go home, I get it.  But she is not taking into any consideration the wear and tear on her kids - both of whom have families and jobs and are very anxious about their mother - her decision to do so is causing.  It's just not fair. 

Grandmom Riley and my mother were past masters at the art of guilt tripping for any deviation from what their expectations were.  I detested the practice and tried very hard not to emulate them.  Apparently I am not as good at it as they were anyway, because my kids are pretty quick to call me out about any attempt I make to ladle out a guilt trip - usually about staying in touch or, in the case of my son, letting me come visit.  Makes me grumpy.  But this situation with my friend has made me take more seriously my son-in-law's and daughter's request that when I move [which everyone in the family thinks should happen sooner rather than later, which is a whole different discussion], I move closer to them so they can get to me more quickly.  

I do try and keep my medical woes and worries, my work angst, and my spiritual misgivings pretty much to myself and not burden my kids with any of it.  They both have their own lives and worries and deserve to be able to live them without my affairs constantly intruding.  Someday they will have to shoulder responsibility for me, but until then, I try very hard not to be a burden.  

Meanwhile?  I'll continue to argue that just because I like playing online and reading fiction doesn't mean I am wasting my time and refusing to feel guilty about making the chores await my pleasure.  

As always, Triscuit doesn't see why one should worry about any of this.  Ever try to guilt trip a cat?