day 65 - Panda

Today is the 2nd day of the 10th week, the 6th day of the 3rd month, the 65th day of 2023

Last year it was a Sunday, and it was miserable.  My poor little Panda had been very ill - problems with eating and eliminating had resulted in her losing over half her weight in just three months.   I kept taking her back and we kept trying different things - even putting her thru the RadioCat operation he previous month so that she could go off the y/d diet.   Nothing seemed to help, and Panda had gotten what the vet called a "kitty cocktail" shot on Friday afternoon, a Hail Mary concoction of antibiotics [in case there is an intestinal infection], steroids [in case of inflammation], hydration, soothers, and an appetite stimulant. 

 

She was okay on Saturday, enjoyed her sunbeam and even ate a bit - but that night the drugs wore off and we had a very bad night indeed as she was obviously in pain, and kept retreating to her hidey hole under the secretary.   

Unfortunately, the vet was closed, and I stayed as close as possible to her all that day and thru the night.  

Sunday was a grey day, and Panda rather wistfully wanted to know where her sunbeam was, and I had no answer for her and just picked her up and cuddled her  

Panda was trying to use the litter box, but didn't realize while she was in it, her rear end was not and everything was going onto the floor.  

Neither of us got much sleep - the longest she was able to rest at one time was about 45 minutes out of sheer exhaustion.

Monday morning dawned, and the morning was bright enough and warm enough that I could crack open the balcony door - Panda always loved looking out and feeling the fresh air come in 

I took a quick shower and came back out into the living room and we both waited for the vet's office to open, and I was so happy that the sun came out for a bit.  I had taken the day off, and we got an early morning appointment. 

These are the last pictures that I have of Panda.

When I took her to the vet I cried the entire drive as I knew she wasn't going to come home.  The vet seemed stumped, and started suggesting another course of treatment, but came to a halt when I asked her if that was something she really thought would work or was another a stab in the dark.  When I looked from her to Panda, something I read came to mind abut not causing one more hour of pain just so I could have a few more days, and I told the vet it was time to let her go.  They took her away to prepare her and gave her a painkiller and brought her back to me.  Panda's whole little frail body just relaxed in my arms and she curled up and dozed off as if grateful to be out of misery.  She was such a  trusting little being, and I felt perfectly brutal telling the vet to give her the injection, then Panda slipped away peacefully and I cried some more.

Unlike Kula before her and Triscuit after her, Panda trusted me totally.  Oh, not at first, the trauma of losing her home and being put in a shelter never totally left her, and getting put in a carrier was a terrifying experience for her, but eventually.  Without Panda, the enforced solitude of the COVID shutdown would've been lonely indeed.  

Today and tomorrow I will be burning sage, as I did constantly the week after she was gone.