I'm okay ....

 Today is the 5th day of the 16th week, the 16th day of the 4th month, the 106th day of 2026 [with only 252 shopping days until Christmas], and:

• Blue Umbrella Day - focusing attention on the high rate of sexual abuse/violence that an estimated 1 of 13 boys have to deal with
• College Student Grief Awareness Day
• Day of the Mushroom - time to celebrate fungi
• Emancipation Day
• Foursquare Day or 4sqDay - probably the first social media day that started back in 2010 that encourages using the app to check-in and review places   
• Get to Know your Customers Day - this happens quarterly.  Always leaves a sour taste in my mouth as it was the phrase used in banking to force the Patriot Act tracking down our throats 
• International Pizza Cake Day - to make a pizza cake, you actually stack multiple pizzas on top of each other in a cake pan
• National Ask An Atheist Day - according to Google, the most common question an atheist is asked is what stops them from doing evil 
• National Bean Counters Day - I don't think calling an accountant a bean counter is a compliment....
• National DARE Day - implemented first in 1983, Drug Abuse Resistance Education has involved over a million students in 50+ countries 
• National Eggs Benedict Day
• National Healthcare Decisions Day - do you have a Living Will or Healthcare Directive?
• National High Five Day
• National Librarian Day
• National Orchid Day
• National Pathway Day
• National Stress Awareness Day - always the day after income taxes are due
• National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
• Save the Elephant Day
• Take Action for Libraries Day
• Teach Your Daughter to Volunteer Day - I have an issue with the fact there is no corresponding day to teach your son to volunteer - if volunteering teaches empathy and our duty to give back to society, it shouldn't be limited by sex, neh?  
• World Semicolon Day
• World Voice Day
• the moon is at waning crescent, 1% of full as the new moon arrives 7:52 AM EDT tomorrow 

Quote of the day:  

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives"

~ Jackie Robinson - the first black man to play in major league baseball; he started at first base for the Brooklyn Dodgers on this day in 1947

Yesterday I shared an article via social media that talked about how an entire generation was raised to be private.   My grandmothers and my mother both used the phrase about not airing our dirty linen in public regularly, and the lesson learned was that no one is interested in the trials and tribulations of your personal life.   And so, when someone asks how I am, I make an immediate assumption that is just a polite greeting and answer with a smile [and sometimes a shrug], "I'm okay" and immediately ask them how they are.  Usually the answer is similar and the interchange is over and neither of you have said anything about yourselves at all.  I've tried expanding that question to "how are you doing?" or "how's you?" to be a bit more expansive, but when face with that query myself, I often find myself replying "hanging in there" and leaving it at that.  

No one wants to be that person who always has a long tale of woe because no one wants to be around a constant whiner, complainer, grumbler ot just project negative energy constantly.   How many time have you read or heard about how your mental wellbeing is dependent on surrounding yourself with positive thinkers?  So, even when you are struggling, you keep it to yourself.  

The really sad part?  I get to the point where I stop reaching out to even my dear friend.  Why?  Because when she asks how I am doing, I find myself listing the sad litany of the contents of my worry bucket and it seems to go on and on and on and I find myself thinking that there is no way listening to all this can possibly be interesting.   

The result?  You get quiet.  When you get quiet you get isolated.  When you get isolated, being alone can slowly transmute into loneliness, and then depression starts to work its way into the very thread of your being.  It happens gradually but suddenly you wake up one morning and realize that you and your troubles are just...  there.   And you have to figure out a way to deal with the encroaching darkness.  

How am I?

I'm 76 years old, living alone, and still working because I can't afford to retire.  My body, while never athletic, is now refusing to even let me walk any distance without support and I resent it.  I start crying every time I hear the whistle of a train because my son is gone.  I grieve at the loss of the son-in-law as he goes his way.  I'm not as involved with my daughter and grandchildren as I would like to be and react over-impatiently or over-protectively when I am with them and worry constantly when I don't hear from them.  And I miss my adopted family in Nashville.  

On the one hand I don't want to leave my home; one the other hand I want to go out and do things.  And I'm chock full of things I haven't done:  an estate that isn't closed, books unread, games unplayed, blog posts unwritten, chores ignored, shows not watched, exercises skimped, sleep missed, appointments not made, the list goes on and on.   The hours run through my fingers each day and I ask myself what impact have I had, then vow to do better tomorrow.    All the while I am very aware how lucky I am to have a nice apartment, be able to drive, have discretionary income, be able to work still, and have friends and family that seem to like me well enough.  

So, how am I?  I'm okay.  Things could be better in many ways, but things could be so much worse too and I am will aware that I am lucky to be where I am.    

How's it going?  I'm hanging in there.  "Life is not fair - cope" is a lesson I learned the hard way and something I taught both Tommy and Gem.    What else can I do but deal with the hand I have been dealt one day at a time?

How's you?